


The Office but written by an AI

by Josona6



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga), The Office (US)
Genre: Airports, Bathrooms, Character Death, Cliffhangers, Communism, Cults, Desk, Gun Kink, Heart Attacks, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Karate, Men Crying, Minor Character Death, Murder, Office, Phone Calls & Telephones, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Role Models, Rumors, Shock & Awe, Silence, Suicide Attempt, Sweat, Threats of Violence, Touring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27521662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Josona6/pseuds/Josona6
Summary: I used a text bot and fed it some text for it to generate some stuff for an office script. I added a few suggestions and the bot did the rest of the work.
Relationships: Pam Beesly/Jim Halpert
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	1. Welcome to the office!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's have some fun at the office

int. Micheal's office

_**Jim and Michael are talking in the office** _

Michael: Hi, Jim. your name is Jim. how would you like me to- 

Jim: Hi, Michael, i know you have a few questions about your company I can help you with your company. 

_**Hi, Jim.** _

_**Dwight enters the room but he has an issue** _

Dwight: Michael I need your help. Hi, Jim.

Michael: Hi, Michael.

Dwight: anyway back to my problem with the -

**We are now in Dwight's office. but it's not his own office because everyone (except Michael) shares it with Dwight. the communism is strong in Dunder Mifflin.**

Michael: Dwight let me get this straight you're saying that because of all the problems with your company you want to take care of a couple other people.

Dwight: Correct I'm sick of having to share my office with everyone. which is why we should eliminate some people for room. I think we should kill Jim first.

Jim: I just want to know what you do for a living.

Dwight: the same thing you do

Jim: which is not very practical, but makes me money anyway

_**(confessional room)** _

Jim: I hate my job... there's no real reason. I just don't like it. I don't think it would work for everyone. and here in Dunder mifflin we care about everyone

_**(confessional room end)** _


	2. Have a heart Phill!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now the dark side of the office

Dwight: Micheal if this is going to be one of those meetings where everyone (except Jim) is in his office I am legit going to kill my self

Michael: Woah woah woah Dwight. suicide isn't funny, its badass but it isn't funny.

_**we see Pam on the phone** _

Pam: Dunder mifflin? What

_**Dwight and Micheal are arguing. Jim is angry since his life could be at stake.** _

Pam: Micheal it's for you

Micheal: Ok Pam the man. Dwight we'll have this conversation later

Dwight: no! (but then he would never admit it!)

_**it's the city district manager on the phone, his name is Phill.** _

Phill: Michael can you tell me the stats this month

Micheal: sorry phill I'm kind of busy right now

Phill: I don't give a shit just tell me the stats

Michael: fine! here are the stats. The real numbers are just the median

Phil: what does that mean?

Micheal: it means you are going to die

Phill: Nani!

_**Phill gets a heart attack and dies the viewer is now supposed to assume he owns the Death Note** _

_**(confessional room)** _

Michael: I don't own the death note. the only thing I own is a phone.

_**(confessional room end)** _

Pam: What happened to Phill?


	3. THE GREAT OFFICE TOUR!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time to meet the cast.

Michael:  I heard him say ... he said he thought ...

Michael ditches pam to go back to Dwight's issue

Michael: Dwight, suicide will never be funny. it will only occasionally be badass. now stop being a capitalist baby shut the fuck up and  go back to work .

_**(confessional room)** _

Dwight: A capitalist? never in a million years would I be a filthy capitalist

_**(confessional room end)** _

_**(confessional room)** _

Toby: they keeping saying that capitalism is stupid. but what they don't realize is by working at this job at Dunder Mifflin they're doing the definition of capitalism. Like how the fuck did they not notice that.

_**(confessional room end)** _

_**The Office theme song plays** _

_**we now cut to Micheal walking in an office hallway he is also walking outside** _

Michael: Hi I'm Micheal I've been working here for 12 years as Regional manager.  I have been doing this for years. Now today I am  going to take my leave . Just kidding! What I'm going to do is give you a tour of the office.

_**int. the employee's office** _

Micheal: this is the office for all the workers who aren't me. there are many things in this room like  this desk,

_**int. Dwight's desk** _

Micheal: hi Dwight how's it going

Dwight: Micheal I'm not a capitalist baby. I am a  worker

Micheal: _***whispers***_ Dwight we already talked about this. I'm doing a tour right now.

Dwight: You already disappointed me today.

Micheal: _***to the camera***_ well forget about Dwight. let's talk about our other famous office staff.


	4. Jim and Pam introduction.

_**int. reception desk** _

Micheal: this is our receptionist Pam say hi Pam.

Pam: Michael, I heard a message from you today from an employee that has recently left the office.

Micheal: oh... well he must of left because he was too lazy and the hard work needed here didn't suit him.

Pam: no he left because he had a lot to do .

Micheal: _***looks at camera***_ like what?

Pam: going to rehab

Micheal: Well, stoners aren't allowed in the office.

_**Micheal looks at the camera with confidence and Pam looks at the camera with confusion and concern.** _

Micheal: next up we got our buddy here Jim. slim Jim. how's it going brother from another mother

Jim: no he was having a-. I'll call you back sir. what were you saying

_**Micheal looks at the camera looking dead inside.** _


	5. A challenger approaches.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang shares their opinions about their lives in private. Also Jan stops for a visit.

_**(confessional)** _

Micheal: here at Dunder Mifflin we have a dream. and that dream is  that of a mother of three. Love the first kid, tolerate the second one and secretly despise the third one. and that is our only dream. well... that and communism...

_**(confessional end)** _

_**(confessional)** _

Jim: Hi I'm Jim! I lived in St Roudsburg. it's a church or something like that. (recounting his trip to St Paul where he went on a trip to St Paul).

_**(confessional end)** _

( _ **confessional**_ )

Dwight: hello I'm Dwight Schrute a man of amish descent.  I am the president of St Paul. which is why Jim hated his trip to St Paul where he went on a trip to Saint Paul.

_**(confessional end)** _

_**(confesional)** _

Pam: Hi I'm Pam I'm the receptionist of Dundler Mifflin.

_**(confessional end)** _

_**later in the day Jan (the other boss of Dunder Mifflin in the Scranton section) comes to visit the office.** _

_**Jim and Pam are having a conversation about stocks. but their discussion gets interrupted by Jan's entrance.** _

Micheal: oh hey Jan , what did you do

Jan: I did nothing I just want to talk with you

Pam tries to leave the room

Jan: oh you can stay pam I actually want to speak with you too

Pam:  Bye, Jim I just have to talk with Jan and Micheal

Jim: ok  I just have to have a prank war with Dwight

_**Dwight screams in pain because Jim did a nasty prank to him** _


	6. Danger Zone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jan is interrogating Micheal about recent events

_**(confesional)** _

Dwight: it was horrible.... This is exactly why I think Jim should be killed first!

_**(confesional end)** _

_**(confesional)** _

Jim: I'd hardly call it a traumatic prank. All I did was go to my desk to tell Dwight the story of how I found my phone . I found it up my ass so... I guess I can see why Dwight could be dramatized.

_**(confesional end)** _

Jan: So Micheal the reason I need to speak with you is because... there was an incident that happened with Phill.

Micheal: Incident?

Jan: Yeah Corporate told me that Phill  was being  murdered

Miche al: Well, is he fine now?

Jan: No he's dead.

Jan: also after investigation they discovered you called him moments before he died

Micheal starts to sweat.

Jan: Micheal do you own a death note?

Micheal:  I do ..... not. I don't own a death note I only own a phone

Jan:  that phone.

_**we see a phone it's doing nothing** _

Micheal: look I'm telling the truth I don't own a death note.

Jan: What about you, Pam you were inches away from him can you testify?

Pam:  I have no idea but he did tell Phill "you are going to die".

_**the camera cuts hard to Michael's face** _


	7. Ryan the new kid.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new employee named Ryan comes to the office.

_**(Confesional)** _

Micheal: if rape wasn't illegal I would definitely rape Pam. not because of sexual reasons but because Pam was always a woman who pissed me off. so I had to kill Phil because it was either him or Pam.

_**(Confessional End)** _

Micheal: look I can prove to you I didn't not kill Phill with a death note.

Jan: How are you going to prove it?

Micheal: by giving you permission to search the entire office.

_**one searching process later** _

Jan: Ok Michael we couldn't find any death notes so you're innocent... for now...

_**Micheal gives a thumbs up** _

_**Ryan enters the office he is a brand new employee who just got hired to replace the stoner that recently left the office to go to rehab.** _

_**(Confesional)** _

Ryan: Hi I'm Ryan I'm a member of the Stoner Team (a group that was trained by Phill before he died). I secretly smoke weed. but unlike Matt... I'm not going to rehab.

_**(Confesional End)** _

_**int. reception desk** _

Ryan speaks to Pam

Ryan: hi I'm the new guy my name is Ryan.

Pam: hi I'm Pam I'll show you around the place

_**Pam shows Ryan around the place** _

Pam: hi I heard you coming into the office Michael

Micheal: yep big mike's back hey who's the new guy?

Ryan: hi I heard you coming in the office I'm Ryan

Micheal: Hi Ryan i'm-

**Pam coughs**

Micheal: bitch do we have a problem?

Pam: i just-

Micheal: Just kidding!

_**Pam looks at the camera she is so done with life** _


	8. Natural Selection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Micheal confront Dwight on his bizarre actions.

_**(Confessional)** _

Pam:  I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go.  I  was just like, I think I should go . but Micheal was like " yeah " but he had the look in his eyes like I'm gonna murder you if you walk out that door right now. so basically... help me.

_**(Confessional end)** _

_**int. the desks** _

Jim: yeah I'll call you back. Dwight what are you doing

Dwight: what I'm just  doing in here.

Jim: you're putting all your shit on my desk

Dwight:  Duh, fine

Cody: uh D uh what did you-

Jim: Cody you're not even cannon so can you go away

Cody _***sighs***_ fine

Jim: now Dwight get all your things off my desk

Dwight: no why don't you  call me

Jim: Ok I will

_**Dwight's phone rings He picks it up** _

Dwight: Hello this is Dwight Schrute.  I have the big blue bag in his car.

Jim: Hi Dwight this is Jim. I have a problem

Dwight: What's your problem Jim?

Jim: Well I just went to the shop and bought a Dwight

Dwight: oh ok.... Wait! What did you mean you bought another Dwight!?

Jim: I bought a Replacement Dwight and he  told me he would take it back

Dwight : take what back?

Jim:  He said I had to do it for him.

Jim hangs up the phone

Dwight: Jim... Jim! Jim pick up

Jim is now approaching Dwight menacingly. Dwight screams in fear.

Micheal: god not again, what's happening now.

_**Micheal goes to the desk area** _

Micheal: ok what's happening now?

Dwight : Jim has the big bag in his car!

Miche al: Jim what is he talking about?

Jim:  He has another one in his car.

Micheal: can someone explain to me what the fuck is happening!

Dwight: Jim is going to kill me and his replacement is in the car.

Micheal: Dwight you wanted to kill Jim first

Dwight: But this is different!

Micheal: no it's not! Look... I have a solution.  I have a solution! what we're going to do now is  Dwight will kill me.

Dwight: Excuse me.

Micheal: If you really want to commit natural selection then kill me

_**Dwight looks conflicted. he then runs off into the men's restroom** _

**_Cuts to Dwight crying_ **

_**(Confesional)** _

Micheal: I knew Dwight would never kill me. He adores me for some reason.

_**(Confesional end)** _


	9. The Receptionist Desk

_**int. reception desk** _

Pam: you still have phone calls from yesterday

Micheal:  no I don’t .

Pam: yes you do

Micheal: do I... or do I... not.

Pam: you do.

Micheal: well time is money and I don't have a lot of money. Actually can you call Jan and tell her I deserve a raise.

Pam: don't we all deserve a raise

Micheal: no not really.

Pam:  you think that you are the only one who would get the raise?

Micheal: definitely.

Pam:  no but if I did, I would say yes .

Micheal: look stop bullying me all I want is  for you to die.

_**Pam once again has confusion and concern on her face.** _


End file.
